What Could Go Wrong?

…Researchers in Boston today announced they’ve completed genetic mapping of Argiope bruennichi, commonly known as the wasp spider, indicating that they’ve isolated the genes responsible for manufacturing dragline silk. Known for its toughness, ductility, and strength-to-weight ratio, there are numerous applications for…

…but while they appear unremarkable, these dairy cattle are part of a long-running experiment. When they were embryos, their genes were spliced with those of a spider, allowing them to produce silk using their mammary glands. While the implications for the sericulture industry are obvious, some entrepreneurs are looking for other natural products that might benefit from bovine…

…is notable because the wolf spider does not typically spin webs, instead hunting its pretty on foot. This was achieved by manipulating the cells that produce their eggs, which are normally covered in a silky wrap. Additionally, researchers relied on directed neural forging to coax the wolf spiders into building these webs at a prolific rate. One might be forgiven for asking, “What purpose…

…breakthrough for material science and bioengineering, scientists at Bishur Labs have obtained a patent for genetically altered spiders that produce, instead of silk, carbon nanotubes, a material which holds immense promise for everything from…

…not to panic, advising that these genetically modified six-foot versions of their natural progenitors are expected to quickly become lethargic. While all residents should stay indoors until given further direction by authorities, it should be noted that the megaspiders are not likely to be able to survive outside of captivity, owing to the destruction of their base instincts, which is a crucial developmental step before they are allowed to grow beyond…

…calmly make your way to the boats in an orderly fashion. There is no need to run, but do keep the line moving. Only one piece of luggage will be allowed per passenger, and by federal mandate and for the safety of all refugees, it must undergo radiological sterilization to prevent the spread of…