Green Bombs

“Officials in the EU today confirmed that the port town of Vidin, Bulgaria is the latest in a string of recent cities to mandate evacuations after the explosion of a suspected dirty bomb. Over the last 19 days, similar devices have been detonated in: Kanpur, India; Belém, Brazil; and Ningbo, China. While no one has claimed responsibility for the attacks, new developments are leading investigators to suspect a coordinated effort by environmental extremists. We take you now to Chet Compton, reporting live from Juliette, Georgia, where the first attack occurred less than three weeks ago. Chet?”

“Thank you Shaun. As you can see, there’s intense activity behind me on the other side of Lake Juliette, where members of the World Health Organization, the CDC, and the US military have gathered to jointly review the affected area. I’ve managed to speak to a number of sources intimately involved in the investigation, and the current consensus holds that the attack was carried out by a group that is both highly competent and well funded. The device, originally believed to be a dirty bomb, is now thought to be a sophisticated seed dispersal system. After the explosion, small seeds blanketed the area, and each one allegedly contained a coated radioactive pellet. It seems the seeds are heavily modified genetic hybrids able to consume the radiation in order to grow more rapidly. If you’ll look to my right you’ll see a grove of plants maybe 10-12 feet tall–they look a little like extra-leafy bamboo. These plants were not here before the attack. A review of satellite imagery reveals a tripling of green space over the affected area, and we’re beginning to see a similar pattern at other attack sites across the globe. Shaun and Julia, back to you.”

“Thank you Chet. We’ll be sure to bring you up-to-the-minute reporting on this story as details continue to unfold. In other news, record crowds at last night’s baseball game between the Baltimore Orioles and the Detroit Tigers nearly led to a riot when the stadium ran out of beer. That is, until one entrepreneurial 13-year-old stepped up to the plate. More on that story, and more, after the break.”

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